Sexual Assault
In the Mind of the Sexual Offender
Abusive people, including sexual offenders, typically think they are unique, really so different from other people that they do not have to follow the same rules everyone else does. Rather than being unique, abusers and sexual offenders have a lot in common with one another, including their patterns of thinking and behaving. Some of their characteristics are:
Excuse Making
Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions, the sexual offender tries to justify his behavior. For example, "I was molested as a child" or "I was drunk when I did it" or "When she said no, I thought she meant yes."
Blaming
The sexual offender shifts responsibility for his actions from himself to others, a shift that allows him to blame the other person for "causing" his behavior. For example, "She was acting provocatively."
Redefining
In a variation on the tactic of blaming, the sexual offender redefines the situation so that the problem lies not with him but with the outside world in general. For example, "It is society's fault."
Success Fantasies
The sexual offender believes he would be rich, famous, or extremely successful in some other terms if only people were not holding him back. He uses this belief to justify his assault. The sexual offender also puts other people down verbally in order to make himself feel superior.
Lying
The sexual offender uses lies to control the information available and therefore to control the situation. The sexual offender also may use lying to keep other people, including his victim, off-balance psychologically. For example, he tries to appear truthful when he's lying, he tries to look deceitful even when he's telling the truth, and sometimes he reveals himself in an obvious lie.
Assuming
Sexual offenders often assume they know what others are thinking or feeling. Their assumption allows them to justify their behavior because they "know" what the other person would think or do in a given situation. For example, "I could tell she wanted me to do it."
Above The Rules
As mentioned earlier, a sexual offender generally believes he is better than other people and so does not have to follow the rules that ordinary people do. That attitude is typical of convicted criminals, too. Each inmate in a jail typically believes that while all the other inmates are criminals, he himself is not. A sexual offender shows "above the rules" thinking when he says, for example, "I don't need counseling. Nobody knows as much about my life as I do. I can stop anytime I want to."
Making Fools Of Others
The sexual offender combines tactics to manipulate others. The tactics include lying, upsetting the other person just to watch his or her reactions, and encouraging fights between or among others. Or, he may try to charm the person he wants to manipulate, pretending a lot of interest or concern for that person in order to get on her or his good side.
Fragmentation
The sexual offender usually keeps his assaultive behavior separate from the rest of his life, physically and psychologically. An example of physical separation is the abuser's sexually assaulting family members but not people outside the family. An example of psychological separation is the offender attending church Sunday morning and sexually assaulting his victim Sunday night. He sees no inconsistency in his behavior and feels justified in it.
Minimizing
The sexual offender ducks responsibility for his actions by trying to make them seem unimportant. For example: "It was no big deal" or "She wanted it anyway."
Anger
Sexual offenders are not actually angrier than other people. Anger is a tool offenders use. They deliberately appear to be angry in order to control situations and people.
Power Plays
The sexual offender uses various tactics to overcome resistance to his bullying. For instance, he berates the victim, calling her a "tease," a "slut," etc. If they have friends or acquaintances in common, he may organize others to shun or criticize her for daring to "accuse" him of rape or sexual assault.
Playing Victim
Occasionally the sexual offender will pretend to be helpless or will act persecuted in order to manipulate the victim into accompanying him or staying with him. Here, the offender thinks that if he does not get what he wants, he is the victim; and he uses the disguise of victim to attack or make fools of others.
Drama And Excitement
Sexual offenders make the choice not to have close relationships with other people. They substitute drama and excitement for closeness. Offenders find it exciting to watch others get angry, get into fights, or be in a state of general uproar. Often, they will use a combination of tactics described earlier to set up a dramatic and exciting situation.
Closed Channel
The sexual offender does not reveal much about his real feelings, and he is not open to new information about himself such as insights into how others see him. He is secretive, close-minded, and self-righteous. He believes he is right in all situations.
Ownership
The sexual offender typically is very possessive. Moreover, he believes that anything he wants should be his, and anything that is his he can do with as he pleases. That attitude applies to people as well as to possessions. It justifies his controlling behavior, physically abusive behavior, and taking others' possessions.
Self-Glorification
The sexual offender usually thinks of himself as strong, superior, independent, self-sufficient, and very masculine. His idea of the ideal man often is the cowboy or the adventurer type. Any action or perceived attitude of another person that does not conform to his glorified self-image is seen as a putdown.
Source: http://www.mvwcs.com/mindrapist.html
Can a child molester be rehabilitated?
It depends on who the child molester is. The majority of molested children are perpetrated by family members, close relatives or people who have close proximity to them. Most of these people are called incest perpetrators because they’re family members to the children. What’s been found for these individuals who get reported (incest perpetrators), is that they are likely to have more than one victim, and usually only abuse within their family.
As a result, it’s hard to measure whether they would abuse again, at later times, with other children. They’re not considered what is clinically called a pedophile. Pedophiles are a different class of child molesters, and are considered sexual addicts. In spite of their best interests, a pedophile will abuse children as long as there is opportunity. There are pedophiles who must drive different routes home just to avoid the temptation of children they might otherwise encounter.
The type of child molester most resistant to treatment is called a fixed pedophile. These people primarily abuse children of their own gender, and across family lines (which is not the majority of sex abusers). We don’t have a good record of stopping fixed pedophile from abusing again. In general, this is not the case with incest perpetrators. Most people who abuse will probably be able to stop if they are held accountable, punished appropriately, and also given the proper kind of therapeutic treatment.
Why do people sexually abuse children?
There are many different kinds of abusers, and it’s not clear why people molest children. What’s been found in recent research is an overwhelming majority of people guilty of child molesting, were molested themselves. We used to think this statistic was much smaller, but with more detailed research, we’ve discovered this statistic to be very high. Statistics involving men in New Jersey prisons convicted of sexual abuse, found that over 95% of the men, were in fact abused themselves.
And we don’t know, but it could be that the 5% of non-abused men in that case don’t remember being abused as children; they may have amnesia or a traumatic dissociation.. Some abuse may be the attempt to relive one’s own abuse, with power roles reversed. Another reason may be these people have learned that abuse is a way of feeling in control. Fundamentally, in all cases of abuse, it certainly is about power and control.
Some abusers don’t relate well to people of their own age group. They relate much better to children, and as a result, pick children to abuse. Abusers often project attributes or qualities onto the children they abuse. These attributes are false, and are just in the mind of the abuser. A perpetrator may create false beliefs about a child’s wishes, desires, and likes, or try to bring the child up to their peer level (imagining a sexual attraction or relationship with them).
They may believe the child wants them to do the sexual acts. We often hear ridiculous statements from abusers such as, "he/she was a seductive child"; which is complete nonsense. It’s a complex and still unclear set of issues that drives childhood sexual abuse. However, it is up to adults to control their own behaviors.
Source: http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/sexual_abuse.htm#sa3
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